just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
