I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
