if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
