I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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