So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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