My friends, they love my intelligence
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
