I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want a musical about memes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
