The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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