So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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