You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
