You can't special order awesome
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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