im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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