I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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