Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
