I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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