I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
