Banned from zoo.
Again?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
