All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
