I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
