drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
