I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
