But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
