That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
