I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
