when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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