You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
