trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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