i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
