Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
