there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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