Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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