No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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