that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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