so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
