1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
