By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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