never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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