It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
