theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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