have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize