I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
