i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
