forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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