You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
