Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize