Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
