I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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