Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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