i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
