I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
