i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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