HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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