mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
