Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
