I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize