everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
