dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
