my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
