porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
