my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize