I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
