My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Naked. naked and bneed help.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
