he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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