If i come over, it means nothing
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
