Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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