My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize