Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
