Ambien. No doubt about it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
