There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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