I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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