is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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