remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
