just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize