Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So drunk its hurt
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
