just tell him i said nine months
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
