if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
