If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
