My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
