please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
