It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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