On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
